hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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