the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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