she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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