He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
