Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
