im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
