I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
