you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
