Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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