i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
