Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
