...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
