She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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