you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
