She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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