Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
