Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
