Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
