Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
