i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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