Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
