Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
