I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
