Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
