wrigley field is MILF paradise
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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