I cockslap morals
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wish there were birth control emojis
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
