you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
