so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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