She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
