Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
