Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
that's an acceptable place to lick
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
