I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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