Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I touched a dick in church today
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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