I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
