That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
