i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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