my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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