My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have post one night stand depression
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
