What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
