what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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