Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
