u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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