The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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