did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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