dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
