Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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