she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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