I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
