i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
