people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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