It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
